The morning after etiquette

So "the morning after" is always an odd and often awkward ritual that many single people are forced to go through...

When awaking somewhere other than my own place, I often find it most convenient to do the quiet sneak out.  It puts me in control of my fate and allows me to get a start on my day (or at least go home and go back to bed).  Leaving decently early is a good way to not inconvenience the other party.  Plus, rummaging through someone’s stuff to find their ID, in an awkward attempt to remember their name, is not a great way to start the day. Nor is being accused of petty theft.

So I like to disappear with as little fanfare as possible without being rude.

However, I must be in the minority. When people stay at my place it’s often the exact opposite. I’m sorry but soon after the sun comes up, unless we are in a serious relationship, you need to vacate my abode.

Example number 1: The overnight guest.  This varies but one particular morning I had a lot I needed to do.  I purposely got up and took an extra long shower, made lots of noise, and made a big production of getting read for the day.  This totally allowed the quick, painless get away.  I felt I was doing him a big favor allowing us to skip the forced conversation about our days and that awkward kiss goodbye or god help me "let's hang out again soon..."  But did he take the hint?  Did he capitalize on my subtle social gift?  Did he use the “get out of my apartment free” card? -- No.  I got out of the shower and found him sitting on my couch, in his underwear, watching children’s programming on PBS.  Really?

Example number 2: The crashing friends.  After a long night of partying when I offer you a place to crash, please don’t take that as an invitation to stay until 3pm.  You’re awesome and I dig spending time with you, but I probably have crap I’d rather be doing than watching you nurse your hangover. 

Example number 3: If you do have the sense to leave at a decent time, please fold up the blankets or put the futon back together.  Pick up the random fast food wrappers you ordered at 4am.  The garbage can isn’t that far away.  It’s just common courtesy.  I’m your friend; not a hotel.  I don’t have a housekeeping department.

Example number 4: This is quite possibly the most important.  If you are friends that are staying at another friends house, DO NOT leave noticeable evidence of your evenings escapades.  I’m opening my home to you and your significant other/hookup, go ahead do your thing.  But DON’T leave traces for me to find. Again, I’m your friend, not a maid or a technician from CSI.

Moral of the story:  Duck out early and clean up after yourself.  We'll get along just fine.  :)